I mean they might pay, but probably not 80 million. And most likely not a lump sum.

Maybe they’d give you a hideout with a decent allowance every X days, and you have to promise to to never criticize or insult their government, and any internet/phone access will probably be monitored (by the Iranians).

And its not gonna be because they care about you, but just to keep you alive as their pet because its kinda like a middle finger to the US. But you are just a pet to them, not some hero.

Lol, the CIA will most definitely have a spy within the ranks of the Iranian government, and even if you somehow avoid the initial identification, the spies would be able to identify you and you get a KGB-style assassination against you (aka: poisoning, or maybe falling out of a window, depending on the agent’s mood), or just a traditional US-style drone strike.

Chess is for people to pretend they are smart, when they are boring af (such as me)

I don’t use mind-altering substances nor am a cop, but I also like to beat people

_{in chess}

_{haha get checkmated}

Yoink the lucky purple shorts (I’ll trespass so fuck the relationship meter requirement), put it in the middle of town.

People who need a service dog probably aren’t that tech saavy (if they are elderly) and thus not have a lockscreen, or if they got the service dog because of blindness, they probably don’t want to deal with the inconvienience of a lockscreen (accessibility features might be limited if the phone is in BFU mode), so theft from a person using a service dog (however dispicable that action is) would actually be a great chance of hitting “jackpot” (unlocked phone that you can sell).

And if they do use a screen lock, they probably also have biometrics to make it easier to unlock. Grab their finger or use their face and unlock it and go reset their google/icloud account using those same biometrics. Then you can use the new password to remove the account from the device. Voila, activatiom locks are gone!

Also, even if you can’t unlock it, the parts might still be worth something. You just have to do more crime to make the same amount of money.

This information is for entertainment purposes only, please do not steal phones from the average person, especially not disabled person using a service animal.

(instead, go shoplift from corporate chain stores)

Commit 34 felonies and run for president

More like November 5, 2024

Don’t forget to use their phone and call for help, after which you can put the phone in your pocket and enjoy a free phone.

Hey Michael, Vsauce here… or am I?

Are you actually beliving in the CIA hoax. Of course we could always do that. The BIG SHIP conspiracy is hiding the truth for y’all. You have been eating propaganda and have been brainwashed by MKULTRA. Magic has always existed. There are trained magicians able to re-summon the ship. The only reason why they haven’t is to maintain control of the Illuminati Earth Dome in order to protect the interests of BIG CRUISE SHIP industry.

The universe have 13+ billions of years of existence, most (modern) humans only live about 100 years.

You will be forgotten and nobody will ever know you existed.

Every nude leak.

Every embarassing moment.

Every acomplishment.

Every fuck up.

All will be wipe away, upon your death.

Nobody will ever care.

(But the timeline will remember. The butterfly effects you’ve causes will be remembered. That will not be you, just a remnant of you. The only trace of your existence to be left.)

I last heard the titanic sunk. What happened next? Did it un-sink?

She also loves to collect tons of free food from pantry’s and stuff them into the fridge or home pantry as if it’s a bottomless pit.

Holy shit wtf, are you me from an alternate universe?

My grandma keeps going to collect food that is meant for people in poverty, even though her daughter (aka: my mother) has enough resources to survive and probably should leave those stuff for other people more in need.

---BEGIN PGP PRIVATE KEY---
hunter2
---END PGP PRIVATE KEY---

😉

More likely dead (shot to death by cops)

If you had a genie, you could just stop the global warming

_{via nuclear winter}

Probably someone who already knew your address IRL, but then found your online account and decided to mess with you.

Siblings? Friends? Neighbors?

I doubt someone who never met you IRL could’ve found you address (unless you leaked it somehow).

This sounds like Filial Piety on steorids

Sure 😏 (Public key already on my profile, if you want)