I’ve always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don’t like them back. But society also tells us that we can’t choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a “choice” to be gay.
So what happens when you’re only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?
Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn’t into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.
Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.
Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.
While this is always good advice, some things just aren’t really changeable without cosmetic surgery. I have a good BMI and whatnot, but I’m definitely not a supermodel. But say you’re only attracted to supermodels for some stupid reason and you can’t fix that.
Looks can give you a boost/foot in the door but they are only part of the equation. Personality is what makes or brakes your chances and will take you further in the long run. Tons of good looking people are “willing to settle” for less attractive partners they enjoy spending time with rather than going with “someone on their level” who’s as engaging as a piece of wet cardboard.
Be someone people want to interact with and your chances to find a supermodel will increase significantly.
Also, just because you don’t think you’re 10/10 doesn’t mean others don’t find you attractive. Many decent looking people tend to underestimate their attractiveness when, with a little work (proper clothing, basic hygiene and a new haircut), they could start turning heads left and right.
Super models aren’t somehow wired to only like other super models. A person’s outwards looks don’t tell you what they find attractive. When you see gorgeous celebrity couples, they’re only getting that coverage because they’re both gorgeous (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt). Some remaining romance coverage goes towards couples where one is gorgeous and the other is talented/accomplished (Aubrey Plaza and Jeff Baena). The other 99% of couples don’t get any media attention because it’s not fun to talk about #4 sexiest woman of 2021 and her husband, extra #4.
It’s completely normal to be attracted to super models. They are literally chosen as excellent candidates for conventionally attractive builds and then dolled up to close the gap on perfection. Keep in mind, you’re probably ignoring a huge swath of models that aren’t your flavor of perfection as that varies between cultures and ethnicities. What you can hopefully realize is those perfect images have a ton of work done to the “base” person by makeup, lighting, camera angle, and photoshop. They’re generally not real. Such gorgeous celebrities are so far from their perfected image that they often go unrecognized in public if not for some unique visual trait. Even just having an unfamiliar accent makes people doubt the identity.
You want a real shock (assuming you’re a straight male)? Look up your favorite porn stars without makeup. The picture is out there.
You don’t need to change your lust for super models, just hopefully come to realize they’re a fantasy. And more than anything, those perfect 21 year old looks won’t last. They may be perfect for 30 or perfect for 40, but not for 21. And that’s OK. Your opinion will change as you age yourself. 8th grade me though high schoolers were adults. Now I don’t even want to be seen with the babies called “college students”.
You never know who will walk into your life. You’ll never know what they’re thinking.
I don’t think you guys are understanding. I cannot force myself to be attracted to “personality”. It doesn’t work that way for me. I absolutely wish I could. I understand that it’s “shallow”. I understand that looks aren’t forever. I understand that celebs only get photos when they look their best. But I still cannot force attraction that isn’t there. I have people that I enjoy their company a ton and care for them a lot, but I don’t get attracted to them. It’s like…you don’t get attracted to your mom.
I don’t “lust” for anyone… especially not porn stars. I have the opposite problem that you’d think. I have a significantly reduced capacity for attraction compared to other people. I talk about celeb appearances because they are just barely able to register on my radar. Masturbating doesn’t even work for me. So no, I don’t have a porn addiction. I’ve only very rarely even looked it up out of curiosity and it didn’t do much.
Do you feel lust and sexual attraction to these super models?
Not really. Minimal sexual attraction very occasionally. Which is more than the 0 ever attraction to people I meet irl.
I’m only vaguely with the concept, but have you looked into asexualism? It sounds to me more like a generally low sex drive as opposed to only liking the most beautiful 0.01% on the planet.
Stop focusing on your looks. Become someone who: likes themselves, is funny, is caring, is growing their career, is good fixing things, is strong, is a leader, helps others, can sing well, or something else.
Unexpectedly, showing progress is nearly as important than the end state. Someone growing their career and becoming funny, gets most of the points for having a good career and being funny (note actual progress, not day dreaming).
My advice is to pursue whatever you guess will help you like yourself, but that is not necessary.
I think you all are misunderstanding my question. I tried to phrase it in a general way so that it could potentially apply to other people. But you all are misinterpreting what I am saying.
I am absolutely not saying that I’m ugly. I am perfectly average looking to maybe slightly below average looking. I don’t generally like to admit any of the following out loud because I don’t like to brag. But I am fit, nice, funny, well liked, and have a very good job making good money.
There are plenty of people that look “regular” like me. “Regular” people seem to be very occasionally attracted to me. I am only attracted to ultra attractive people. Ultra attractive people are not the norm and are an outlier. It doesn’t matter how much “personality” someone has for me. It doesn’t make me attracted to them. I have been on dates with sweet, caring, funny, normal people like me. I don’t have the capacity for attraction to them. I understand that it makes me “shallow”, but I cannot choose this attraction. Many times I wish I had the capacity to feel attraction to those around me, but I cannot.