I’ve always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don’t like them back. But society also tells us that we can’t choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a “choice” to be gay.
So what happens when you’re only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?
Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn’t into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.
Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.
Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.
A lot of people here are pointing out the fact that leagues don’t exist, and that is true. But there’s a bigger issue here that’s not being brought up, which is that you’re viewing relationships as mutual infatuation. That’s not what relationships are.
Love is a conscious choice. You love with your mind, not with your heart. You don’t need to be infatuated with someone to love them. And frankly, I would argue that infatuation is a huge negative in a relationship, because it causes you to make irrational choices that will put strain on the relationship. If you aren’t attracted to your date, the proper thought process should be:
“That sucks, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Do I feel like I will still be friends with this person after years of living together? After learning all of this person’s bad habits? After being annoyed to hell and back by this person, do I see myself still choosing to value this person?”
If the answer is yes, then you’ve got yourself a potential partner that you might love.
Another thing to point out is that physical attraction is very tightly related to the people you’ve been around. It’s not uncommon for someone to find their partner increasingly attractive over time.