I used to think those coins in the fountain at the mall were just money people wanted to get rid of. One day, little me tried getting away with a skirt full of coins and got in trouble.

I mean, to be fair, a coin on the ground is fair game, and they don’t make these “unspoken rules” clear enough, so I couldn’t imagine a coin in a fountain not being free to just pick up.

When I was a young lad I thought milk was cow pee and was super confused by the world.

When I was little, I thought that “cash back” meant that the clerk literally just handed you money out of the register if you wanted it.

I assumed that most people were honest and only took the cash if they needed it. I didn’t know that it came out of your checking account lol.

There was a park near my house where often cops would sit to catch speeders. Driving past one day, I didn’t see a cop and I told my parents I was surprised by this. My folks told me that they were there, just undercover. I asked where, and they pointed to a woman walking a dog and they told me it was an undercover speed dog. For years I’d point out suspected speed dogs when we’d drive places. I am not a smart man.

I ran up to my mom once, completely serious and said, “Mom! I know why all fat people are short. They use up all their skin!”

I felt like a genius until she laughed so hard she fell on the floor and peed a little.

Wedding rings were there to show who was married and who was available. Once you wanted to get married, you just found a friendly person who didn’t have a ring, and then you asked if they’d marry you. I mean, that IS what happens I suppose, but my 8 year old brain played it out like someone asking a nice stranger for the time.

That cats and dogs were the same animal, the cats were the girls and the dogs were the boys

That adults had it figured out.

That average people actually care about anything but themselves.

That there is justice in the world.

That a blowjob involved the act of physically blowing air on the penis. When I found out it actually involved sucking, I was like, “Oooh…yeah that sounds much more pleasurable.”

When adults said things like “In this day and age, nobody says please and thankyou any more”, I misinterpreted “this day and age” as “The Stayan Age”, which was our current age, which obviously followed on from Bronze Age, Iron Age etc.

That every time people had sex, the woman became pregnant. I thought that every sex scene in a film meant the film had to be stopped for 9 months until the actress could give birth.

Not me but really funny - when my mom was little she thought white people weren’t real. She thought they were made up for tv

I scraped my knee and thought that putting skin-coloured paint on it would heal it

That a bon fire was a “bomb” fire and therefore, very loud and very dangerous.

That male orgasm was painful. I got this idea from seeing their o-face somewhere and assuming it indicated pain.