Xmas, new year, valentine’s… Seems like the festivities are there just to remind me how much I failed as an adult man incapable of getting company. It’s been over a decade since I’ve felt this way and nothing changes.
Alcohol and porn has lost its charm over the years.
I don’t care about the holidays. They are just days of the week. Largely where things are closed or close early. So basically just extra Sundays.
It sounds silly, but you could try volunteering. I grew up with just my mom and we didn’t have much $. She used to spend part of Thanksgiving and/or Christmas working at a ‘soup kitchen’. Making the time better for other people can make it better for you too. Also, you might meet other single people.
It really isn’t for me. Sometimes at work I feel used or stomped… That doesn’t give me the will to help anyone else. If anything makes me resentful, people like me can’t help and I don’t believe in charities.
Same way I survive every Wednesday.
Your worth as a person isn’t measured by your ability to find a romantic companion
You are simply a person, people of the alternate gender are simply people. There is no magic transition that happens when you find a relationship, people are depressed in and out of love.
My recommendation is to find community, leave the house, look for public events, join board game nights, pick up a hobby like pottery or biking or a specific video game, get really into something and enjoy your platonic time with people who also enjoy that thing.
Platonic relationships have just as much value as romantic relationships.
I second every word of this. Great advice, beautifully articulated.
It really isn’t
Options to consider: I. Professional company keepers if you can afford it.
II. Keep busy with Work - I use such holidays as free Overtime shift gathering glitch. Workflow seem to be mid anyway, would rather get paid than hanging out at home alone if i can’t avoid it.
Pay your self with some type of travel or self-care after this ,holiday vacationers pressure must have subsided by that time anyway.
III.An alternative will be to volunteer at hospitals to keep senior citizens company or foodbanks/ pantry or local community based need. This can be planned ahead in case necessary screening is needed.
IV. You can start a Lemmy4Lemmy holiday company discord or something adjacent to r4r SFW and or NSFW. Beware of sellers and bots though.
I like III. I found that shifting the focus from how miserable one feels because of the circumstances to trying to find out ways to help other people (anyone!) helps to really shift the inner monologue and feelings.
I do agree, Thats my default approach during holidays if i’m a bit jaded to pick up shifts or i’m in a city or town not too welcoming.
Aaah, so those were all your approaches, wink wink ;)
pretty much.
Hey fam! I’m not doing anything on christmas day, and @friendless@lemmy.blahaj.zone had a post today where they said they didn’t have anything that day either.
How about on christmas day all of us get together on a post somewhere and talk! You know, we can just chat like we’re at a party or something?! We can post images and song links and… I dunno… type out song lyrics and complete each other’s sentences and stuff?
Maybe we can make it a megathread on a community like… hm…
- !casualconversation@lemm.ee - I suggest this one
- !general@lemmy.world
- !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
- !casualuk@feddit.uk
what do ya say?!?
Honestly that’s a great idea. Also, you all could do a discord server and do rooms where everyone can do video chat (or maybe just audio) and even split into smaller rooms if one gets to crowded while also being able to chat.
or jitsi, so more can participate
Woah, I never heard of jitsi… pass by here and tell us about it: https://sh.itjust.works/post/30037926
hmm it would be weird because it’s not something I’m actively doing. I use it once every few weeks or so
+1 on this crowdsourcing holiday chillzone marathon!
Awesome, come say hi here: https://lemmynsfw.com/post/19860897
If I could hibernate through the holidays I would. If I could go one year without my mothers annual holiday threat of suicide, and the ramblings about how nobody loves her. I’d be a lot more excited for the holidays.
Always around if you need to chat, hope it blows over soon and the new year brings some peace and happiness. Happy Holidays Stranger, you got this.
Not lonely anymore, but I spent about 10 years having every single holiday by myself. What worked for me personally was either ignore the holiday or just have an all-out bash on my own. I understand how it might not work for other people but celebrating on my own helped me learn that I should value my own time and appreciate what I can do for myself. If I ignored the holiday, it was because I didn’t want to cook for myself.
There’s no problem being alone as long as you value and appreciate what you can do alone.
Now with that being said, I spend the majority of my time with my wife now and she respects my time and space the way it is. I wouldn’t have been able to find that if I didn’t first respect myself and my own time and space
The bird will never land if you constantly stand guard to catch it, instead improve your ship and sail into warmer waters; the bird will land while you are not looking - CGP Grey
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It really is a conundrum. Group festivities seem almost designed to make the people on the margins of society feel worse about themselves. And yet try to imagine a society without such events. It would be even worse (and of course no such society has never existed). This whole problem is exacerbated so much by the fractured nature of modern urban life. In the past it was not even possible to be alone at Christmas, because nobody much was ever alone.
Anyway, as something of a marginal type myself, I agree with suggestions others have made. If you try hard enough, you really can see through the myth of social “success” and “failure”. At that point, festive dates will begin to seem like what they are: just dates. As for “getting company”, this one’s pretty easy. Join some social group with regular events, and make it a fixture in your diary. You’ll meet new people and eventually things will move on from there. But be patient! All human relations are about the hours invested. So if you haven’t taken this first step already, there’s no time to lose. Make it your new year’s resolution.
The social club stuff doesn’t work when 1. You’re tired and 2. You’re broke and can’t drive. There’s nothing that interests me around, and I don’t have the energy
Looks like you have the energy to make posts and comment on Lemmy. Use that energy to go on a walk or something for a change. For me, once I start being active, it leads to more energy, and more activities. Social media is exhausting in a whole other way. Trust me, you’ll gain the energy after you start walking.
That’s not even remotely the same.
Okay, I’ll try a different approach rather than giving advice. Your situation sounds awful, and it must be really hard for you. Reach out if you need, we’re there for you in spirit.
I’ve been depressed…hell I still am, though I cope better than I used to.
I’m guessing its not just the holidays that gets you down. There’s two ways out, and I suggest doing both.
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Conform to some of the social norms that basically means take some of the classic advice you’ve already seen on here. Get out of the house and participate in activities that you might not initially enjoy, but hold some promise of you at least getting a bit of enjoyment out of, or at least stick around for the socializing. Think of it like taking your vitamins, you don’t have to like it, but its probably good for you and therefore you should consider doing it.
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Find things you enjoy doing in your solitude that are nondestructive/neutral or even healthy (depends on the context if its avoidance/addiction or not). Listen to podcasts, read books, learn a new skill, listen to music, meditate, exercise, etc. Just something. We can give you ideas all day, but just choose something and stick with it for at least a couple weeks before trying something else.
The harsh truth is that without some kind of existential raison d’etre, life is just a series of activities we use to distract ourselves from our own loneliness or avoiding ruminating on other topics like death.
The world right now has made it hard for people of all walks of life to connect authentically, and so don’t blame yourself entirely for the situation you’re in. That said, when you’re down in the shit, there’s only two choices, you either wallow in it or you clean yourself up and do what you can to make your way up and out of it.
And I hold no judgments on what you or anyone decides to do here, life is hard and yeah, it can suck. But I personally look at it that I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. But I already know what it’s like being damned if I don’t… might as well find out what it’s like being damned if I do.
Take it or leave it, that’s all I’ve got for you or anybody. Good luck out there.
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Find a passion that isn’t porn, or alcohol, irrespective of the season. Since (I assume) you have time off, use it to find something else to try and get good at. Such as improving your strength and endurance at the gym, learning a new language, starting a new project, taking up a new instrument, read a history book or any book, etc., going to a new place, learning to cook a new kind of meal, etc. etc.
